Dear Diary: Running Away

Dear Diary,

This week I decided to run away. It started to seem like Little Val was getting all the pressies and I wanted some too. The only logical thing to do at the time seemed to be stealing everything and running away. 

As I was packing up all the best stuff I could find, Big Ol' Bossypants turned up with a little package just for me. It was all wrapped up in pretty tissue with a big bow. I acted all cool and that but secretly I was well chuffed. I did also get a lecture about how "we're supposed to share" but it was worth it for this super brilliant shirt!

Big Ol' Bossypants promised to make me some skinny jeans to go with it. All I'm saying is, she better or she can face my wrath. I can only be polite for so long before my inner meanie comes out. Soz, Diary.

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I am so excited about Christmas! CHRISTMAAAAAAS! Big Ol' Bossypants says it a bit early for all that but I've seen her secret Christmas planning notebook. I noticed I'm not in it yet...

I decided to rectify this by making a list of all the things I would like. I'm going to super glue it in the Crimbo notebook and reap the rewards. They don't call me a genius for nothing, Diary. I have demanded requested:

✏ Cool outfits
✏ A Dinosaur
✏ Colouring pencils
✏ Chocolate coins
✏ A fully furnished apartment of my own

Nothing too fancy as you can see. I'm very humble.

Have a very merry Thursday!

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: When Your Trick Backfires :(

Dear Diary,

You know how I mentioned that Big Ol' Bossypants tried to bribe me last week with an orange squidgy thing? Well, I finally found out what the "surprise I might not like" was. A new girl. Since she arrived I didn't get as much attention as usual even though I'm totally the cutest. I know I'm 'a keeper' or whatever but I wanted things back to normal and I wanted them back to normal quick. Was that so wrong, Diary? 

I may have told Little Val that our flat is haunted. I mentioned a white apparition that floats about wailing for pizza at meal times. I thought it might scare her into hiding or something and we'd have a bit of peace. I certainly didn't expect this at dinner time (we do breakfast, dinner, tea here. Northern style):

So I bricked it when I looked up from my chip butty and saw the apparition from my bullpoop story. I ran as fast as I could through the flat with the ghost hot on my heels. Suddenly I realised I'd inadvertently cornered myself when I turn around upon hearing chuckling and see this:

Yep, Little Val played me at my own game. Lesson learned... sort of. Anyway, after I got over my shock/anger I realised I could enact revenge or team up with Little Val: Evil Genius. Having spent a bit more time with Little Val: Evil Genius I'm not so sure of her 'Evil Genius' status but she's no fool. Definite friend material.

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: The Space Hopper

Dear Diary,

When I came downstairs for my breakfast this morning I found a pressie waiting for me on the kitchen table. I didn't really know what is was to start with but, hey, it was free so I'm not complaining. 

It turns out its this squidgy thing called a Space Hopper that you bounce around on for a laugh. I gave it a go but I don't think I've got the hang of it yet. I'm not a quitter but it's hard to stomach Big Ol' Bossypants laughter every time I fall off. 

Anyway, it turns out it was just a bribe. I feel so cheap. Apparently Bossypants has a surprise in store that I might not like but I'm to be nice. I HATE SURPRISES but I love presents. I feel so conflicted right now.

Stay Sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: BlytheCon Spoils

Dear Diary,

I got to go to BlytheCon! I was a model at Big Ol' Bossypants' 'Rosie Apples' stall. Clem was modeling too but I looked way better. Obvs. Plus I was the one who got a new outfit so... I'm not insecure I swear! My outfit is from Blythelicious in case you were wondering. It's a well nice set and included the green stockings too. Win, win.

I also convinced the Big Bossy One to buy me this glow in the dark bone necklace! It's a collaboration between Miz and Momolita who had a really fun stall. I never want to take it off! I can't stop looking at it.

Big Ol' Bossypants got a Cavey cushion for herself which I'm trying to commandeer as a bed. I keep seeing Bossypants hugging it. She better not hug it more than me or something's going to find its stuffing all over the floor. Not that I like hugs or anything... or Big Ol' Bossypants...

Stay Sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: BlytheCon Stall Time

Dear Diary,

Big Ol' Bossypants is having a stall at BlytheCon and I want to join in. I've spent ages testing out different designs and finally found the perfect one but Bossypants won't let me join in! She says I'm only allowed to be a model at her stall. I'm bloomin' gutted. I've also been relegated to the shelf from the desk after using all her pretty cushion fabric to make my prototypes. I tried telling Bossypants that sometimes sacrifices have to be made for greatness but she's having none of it. I haven't cried though. I'm hard as nails, me. I also don't have tear ducts but that's by the by. 

I'm determined to be more than just a pretty face. Watch this space, diary, watch this space...

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: My Ticket Came!

Dear Diary,

My ticket for BlytheCon came! I mean, this better be my ticket. By fair means or foul I'm not missing this even if I have to take the undignified route of hiding in Big Ol' Bosslady's stall goodies. It would be comfy though I suppose... best get some sort of plan drawn up...

Stay sexy,
Parkin xox

Dear Diary: I Feel Pretty

Dear Diary,

I like walking around the house naked, what's the prob with that?! It seems it's too much for Big Ol' Bossypants and her delicate disposition and she made me where these black bars over my 'rude' bits. I'M A DOLL, I DON'T HAVE RUDE BITS! This also means I don't have any blackheads either but I like doing my nose strip and all over moisturing routine every week. Have you ever tried moisturising your entire body and then getting dressed right away? Well, of course YOU haven't, you're made of paper but I'm telling you, Diary, it's just not happening!

Anyway, as soon as Big Ol' Bossypants went out I got rid of those silly modesty bars and rocked it like the day I was made. Rollover my pic, if you dare!

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: Crochet Madness!

Dear Diary,

Recently I've noticed that Big Ol' Bossypants is pretty big on crochet. She has been practicing and practicing and I thought it looked pretty fun so I decided to give it a go myself. Big mistake!

When you're only twelve inches tall grappling with a crochet hook becomes virtually impossible. I felt like a ninja waving the hook around. A really rubbish ninja who failed ninja class. At least I had somewhere comfy to nap after all that effort tired me out.

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: I Got to the Beach!

Dear Diary,

I finally got to the beach! I really wanted to fly my kite but it got all tangly and nearly blew me away. I think I need to work on my construction. My kite flying skills are definitely up to par so there's no way that could have been the problem!

I saw a brilliant seagull kite that fooled me into thinking it was the real thing for a moment. I definitely need to get myself one of those! I really enjoyed my day and I ate some lovely chips and treat myself to a bag of sweet, sweet, sugary candyfloss too... yuuuuum. I played on the 2p slots as well and won a small fortune and all in all, I can safely say I had the BEST DAY EVER!

Stay Sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: Just Hanging Around!

Dear Diary,

Apparently we are going to get to go to the beach soon. What's all this 'soon' business?! What's the point of being this cute if people won't do exactly as I say! I am all dressed up and have my favourite kite packed too. Last time I was there it was such good kite flying weather I nearly took off into the air! I have seen some people even kiteboarding! It's bad enough that we missed Cleethorpes Kite Festival this year, I don't want to miss all the sun too!

I wonder if Big Ol' Bossypants would notice if I slipped out for two weeks... 

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: I'm Not a Quitter!

Dear Diary,

MI-5 turned me down flat. Can you bloomin' believe it!? They've missed a trick there, mate. Anyway, I'm Parkin, Parkin Parkin and I will not be deterred. I may have sulked for, like, a single day... or three but I'm in training now. They'll be knocking my door down begging for me to join 'em any day now.

There is just one small problem. I may need the help of Big Ol' Bossypants to, ahem, sew my crotch back up after I high kicked a little too high. It was a bit of a shock feeling the breeze down there I can tell you although it did solve the serious camel toe problem I was having at the time. Oh diary, I know it's not appropriate but every cloud has a silver lining.

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary: From Parkin With Love

Dear Diary, 

I have decided to make use of my extraordinary powers of deduction and natural sleuthing skills by starting my very own private detective agency. No doubt I'll be swamped with letters begging for my services any day now. 

I would have preferred a slightly smaller camera but what can you do when you've got a stingy boss lady controlling your spending, "You can borrow mine" doesn't always cut it.

I'm off to offer MI-5 services whilst I wait for the big cases to start rolling in. I'm sure they'll snap me up straight away, I have seen every episode of Spooks after all.

Stay Sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary by Parkin: Who Will Comfort Parkin?

Dear Diary,

I have been so bored lately. It keeps raining and I'm sure it's supposed to be Summer. Well, I suppose the rain means it is British Summertime... or Autumn or Winter or Spring. Who even knows anymore. I really wanted to get out with my super-cool new kite but instead I have been wearing my comfiest clothes and reading storybooks. One of the really fun things about being this size is trying to immerse myself in the book as literally as possible. Good times. Well, most of the time anyway...

Who Will Comfort Toffle? by Tove Jansson is one of the scariest books I have ever read! Diary, please don't tell anyone. I have successfully crafted an image of myself with nerves of steel and a fearless can-do attitude so if this came out I don't know what I'd do. Well, I do actually... very bad things!

It's all about a little Toffle called Toffle who is little and lonely and leaves his house because he is scared and cold and can't find anyone to be his friend because he is very shy. There are big strange creatures called Whompses and Fillyjonks and Grokes. There are creatures that look like bats. They are the scariest. I like to hold my pull ring near when I am frightened so I can close my eyes quick sharp. Toffle isn't scared anymore because he found a letter in a bottle and discovered that there is a Miffle who needs someone to comfort her. I haven't got to the end yet because I am too frightened to turn the page in case there are bigger bat things or maybe even ghosts but I hope he finds the Miffle. That would be nice.

What I want to know is, who will comfort me when I go to bed tonight if I'm still frightened?

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary by Parkin: Scrapbook Time

Dear Diary,

I won best in show at Blythely Common Kite Festival with one of my homemade kites! I wasn't surprised because my kite was quite clearly better than all the others, although there was a cute WonderFrog with a nice Sled Kite. I went with the classic Diamond and it was an excellent choice. I had a beautiful ribbon tail with three big bows on. The crowd went wild for my kite wielding skills. It was a great day.

Diary, I know you didn't think it could get better than that but it did! I was featured on the front cover of Kites Weekly! It's only my favourite bloomin' kite magazine! Definitely one for the scrapbook! I'm going to stop exclaiming now and check that Larkin hasn't got into my Kite room again. Although, I must admit it's nice to share something so special to me with her. We are twins after all! OK. That's it for exclamations now.

Stay Sexy,

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary by Parkin: Kite D.I.Y.

 

Hello Parkin fans! 

This weeks Dear Diary is going to be a little different. As you may know, (should know more like!) I am a fan of kites and have been amassing a vast and exciting collection. As fun as it is to spend time on my favourite kite forum and receive special kite-based packages in the post, sometimes you just want to get your hands dirty. This, apparently, is what compels Vicky to take my friends to pieces or to stab hair into their head over and over but quite frankly I don't think there is ever an excuse for that. Anyway, as I was saying, sometimes you just want to get involved in your favourite hobby and today I have decided to show you my super-secret special kite making technique. It's easy I promise. Even Big Ol' Bossypants can do it!

Dear Diary by Parkin

Me explaining to Larkin what her pull ring is for.

Dear Diary,

My twin is finally complete! I say 'twin' but have you seen the colour of her hair?! You'd think Big Ol' Bossypants has never seen my hair before. I swear, if you want something done properly, do it yourself.

I have named her Larkin and she is going to make a great sidekick I can tell. We are best friends already but I do wish she wasn't so floppy.  That's not my fault though, it's the materials. Also, her eye mechanism doesn't seem to work. I've not got to the bottom of that yet but it is a top priority. 

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen had better watch out is all I can say. We are the new stylish twins in town!

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox

Parkin Week is Over :(

So, Parkin week has come to end and what a week it was! I was told I was banned from reading Parkin's posts last week but I couldn't help myself and ended up having a sneaky peek. Shhh! 

I really wanted everyone to get to know Parkin a little better over last week and even I'm surprised by, well, pretty much everything she revealed!

On Monday I found out the identity of her secret boyfriend, which has been plaguing me for weeks might I add. Although, it turned out she'd ditched him before I even got to say hello. Boo. To be fair, he's a huge poobag by all accounts. She sure knows how to pick 'em.

On Tuesday Parkin took over Teeny Tiny Tuesday and showed us her super cute Re-Ment Hello Kitty box file - plus a peek at some of her "top secret" documents.

Wednesday was all about how stylish she can be.

I became a little afraid on Thursday when I discovered Parkin had fashioned herself a twin from my fabric scraps. Well almost. I dread to think what scrapes Parkin's going to get into after that bright idea!

Friday was spent putting Parkin's latest naughty plan into action which was revealed on Saturday. Whilst I had to wag my finger and explain that the Shrink Ray is not a toy I was practically killing myself trying not to laugh!


Sunday, well, Parkin never gets out of bed on a Sunday. I suppose that's when she concocts her best plans!

Parkin enjoyed herself so much that she will become a regular fixture over here on Rosie Apples and Friends with her own 'Dear Diary' slot every Thursday. I'm sure it will be as juicy as ever!


I think it's time for me to get my very own sign off too, so that it's clear who is doing the talking writing! 


♥ Vicky


p.s Yeah, I know it's no "Stay sexy" but it'll do!

Shrink Ray'd!

Parkin week is not over yet, no siree! Let's see what she has in store for today!

...................................................

Hi guys!

Did you miss me yesterday? I bet you did. I would miss me. I was busy scheming to get my hands on Big Ol' Bossypants shrink ray machine. I knew there was no chance of her lending it to me so I had to wait until the time was right to strike. If I messed up I'd never get another chance again. Ken was coming round at 5pm to return my heated rollers, so the pressure was on for me to get my hands on the ray before Smelly Puny Head arrived.

I chose my scariest outfit and set up the shrink ray facing the door. After a failed first attempt (sorry Flossie!) I struck it lucky on the second go.

You should have seen his tiny face! It was the most hilarious thing I've seen in ages. Ken ended up threatening to sue if I didn't change him back so the fun was over pretty quickly but that's typical Ken. Such a party pooper.

It was so worth it though.

Stay sexy!

Parkin

xox

Dear Diary

Parkin week continues with a peek into Parkin's diary!

..................................................................

Dear Diary,

As you know, I would absolutely love a twin. Not in a sentimental way of course, it's just that I would be totally unstoppable if I could divide my plans to millionaire-dom between two like minds. I'd get there twice as fast, right? It makes complete and utter sense but Big Ol' Bossypants wouldn't buy me my double. I hope you didn't think that would pose a barrier to me in any way. You know me better than that I hope.

I know she is bald and naked right now but Frankenstein's Monster wasn't built in a day. I can tell already that we will be the best of friends/millionairesses.

It feels so great to finally have a twin!

Stay sexy,

Parkin

xox